Gerund Thoughts

Posted: June 23, 2013 in grief
Tags: , , ,

Staying with the pain of life sometimes means not having any answers or conclusions.
Living with hope despite the odds or having hope extinguished prematurely; which is easier?
Underlying even the good days, a pervasive sense of weariness lingers.
Strengthening; can a wound make you stronger?

Healing in time; that is a cruel lie.
Asking the question once again, why?
Answering, there is no response–only silence.
Moving inexorably on with life, I ask myself how can I?

Trying to understand how to live in light of my changed world.
Covering how much distance with the limp of a broken heart?
Rebuilding, moving forward a step at a time.
Wondering, what is my place in this inversion of the natural order of life?

Learning to carry him in my heart on this desolate, heavy path.
Stigmatizing and isolating because the manner of death?
Finding ways to allow the pain and anger to surface in constructive ways.
Doing my imperfect best; will that suffice?

Letting go but holding on to love.
Covering the distance, when will I see him again?
Forgetting never because love never dies.
Waiting for me, will he help me cross over?

Comments
  1. Debra Reagan says:

    Amparo, Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. Not having the answers to all the whys around the death of one’s child can weigh so heavy on our heats. We are here for you as your heart is aching. Love, Debra

  2. Tracy Bradshaw says:

    Amparo, I find your poem painfully beautiful. I was particularly struck by the phrase “limp of a broken heart”. I read it over and over, will that limp remain forever visible throughout my journey on this earth? I think, yes.

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