Get On With It

Posted: November 22, 2014 in feelings, grief, murder
Tags: , , ,

As much as friends and family want me to get on with life and get back to the business of living, maybe even have the old me back, I want that even more for me. But it is not as simple as that. Forever changed, I have been robbed of normalcy.

I went to see “The Best of Me,” one of those tear jerkers based on a Nicholas Sparks novel. It is funny how something as simple as going to a matinee can never be normal again in my world. Sure, it was a sparsely attended theater of women, ready for a good cry. And, yes, the promised tears are forthcoming if you are one to cry at touching movie plots. Yes, I even sat with my usual bucket of popcorn, peanut M&M’s, and a Coke. But, for me, my tears evoked painful knowledge that no one should have to possess.

No spoilers here. All I can say is that a crime scene holds evidence. A human body is considered evidence. Time consuming paperwork and evidence gathering means the difference between organs that are viable to be harvested and those that are not. Even when it is the deceased’s wish to be an organ donor, a murder victim is robbed not only of his life but his gift in death as well, as precious time ticks away and earthly remains become fodder for the autopsy table.

I shouldn’t have to know that. My son should have been able to donate his heart when it served its purpose for him here on this earth as was his wish. I should be able to enjoy a good movie with a good Hollywood ending, just like all the other women in that theater.

But I cannot. Because, for me, my normal is understanding death for real. My getting on with life is being blindsided by painful reminders of my reality when I least expect it.

Comments
  1. J. says:

    With death comes a time of figuring out a new normal, unfortunately. A new way of living, loving and eventually thriving.

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